


This Cruel Yet Beautiful World

by fandomesque



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, M/M, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-19 08:22:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1462408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomesque/pseuds/fandomesque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for "A Choice with No Regrets." When Erwin convinced Levi to encourage Eren's tentative attachment to him, Levi couldn't have predicted the results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Good weather greeted the Special Ops Squad as they prepared to leave for their old headquarters, the sun peeking out from behind the clouds as the sky cleared. Levi was glad of it. The remnants of the previous day's rain had all but dried up, and Levi hadn't been looking forward to the resultant splashes of mud on his clothing while traveling on horseback. He leaned against the building casually with folded arms, watching as his soldiers readied the horses. Petra was talking with Yeager as she worked, a kind smile on her face as always. For his part, Eren nodded at whatever she'd said to him, holding the reins of his horse as it shifted next to him. Periodically, he took what he must have thought were furtive glances in Levi's direction. The captain's brows furrowed deeper together. What was the kid's issue now?

Footsteps heralded the arrival of Erwin and his entourage. Levi watched sidelong as the commander gestured to them, and they hung back as he continued to approach. "You're nearly ready?" he asked as he took a position by Levi's side.

"Yeah," Levi confirmed, his gaze traveling from his commander's to fall on his squad. He frowned when Eren appeared to startle at his eyes landing on him. He turned away quickly in an awkward manner at being caught staring, the beginnings of a flush rising to his face. Levi made an irritated sound. "How annoying."

"I think you have another admirer, Levi," Erwin said with too much amusement in his tone for Levi's tastes as he loomed nearby.

"I don't want the admirers I have already. I don't need anymore," he answered, his expression dark. "It's not like I want the kid to hate me after what happened at the hearing - because it'll make my babysitting job easier," he added at the sight of Erwin's raised eyebrow, "but this is just weird as fuck," he continued, referring to Eren's current behavior.

"I heard that Eren joined the military with the intention to enter the Survey Corps from the beginning, despite what he'd been through in the past," Erwin said in a more serious tone. "You've been an idol of sorts to him, if I've heard correctly. Despite the circumstances, with you being the one charged with watching over him, there are those that would say that Eren is living his dream."

"Then he has some really strange dreams," Levi answered blandly.

"All I'm trying to say is that it might not be a bad idea to encourage him a little." At the sight of Levi frowning up at him, his lips more downturned than usual, Erwin explained. "If we ever hope to retake Wall Maria, Eren needs more control over his titan form than he's demonstrated thus far. When he went berserk at Trost, one of his friends was finally able to get him to follow Pixis' plan, but barely so. I think a closer relationship with his commanding officer might help with-"

"So, you want me to wrap some kid around my finger so that I can control him for you when the time comes, is that right?" Levi interrupted. The look he gave Erwin bordered on a glare. "I'm not exactly personable."

"We both know that you can be to some extent when you choose to be," Erwin countered. "Is befriending Eren Yeager too difficult a task? Especially when it could end up benefiting humanity?"

Levi gazed up at Erwin's serious but hopeful expression. He looked away to the side with a heavy sigh, then pushed off from the wall. "Might not be such a good idea. Whenever I make friends, they tend to end up dead. But with that healing ability of his, who knows." Though he headed toward his squad without definitively agreeing, Erwin smiled faintly to himself. He knew Levi well enough that he knew he'd do as asked.

 

The ride to the old castle was relatively uneventful. Auruo had filled Eren's head with nonsense most of the trip, bragging about his exploits and those of his squad mates. Eren only seemed more awestruck than before, if such a thing were possible.

The condition of the place when they arrived had been as bad as Levi suspected it would be. It would take a few days just to make the castle barely fit to be lived in by Levi's standards, but by evening the group had made quite a bit of headway. Eren had done his fair share with no complaints. Levi was mildly surprised that the kid's demeanor seemed different from what he'd heard it was when Eren was among his peers. His training officers had said the kid could be brash and belligerent when provoked. If anyone in his squad knew how to provoke, it was Auruo. But Eren didn't seem angered even after all his needling throughout the day. Perhaps he was trying to put on his best behavior around those he saw as superiors, Levi mused.

They retired to a small dining room after the day's work was done to eat dinner together. Levi watched his squad talk amongst themselves, holding himself at a distance from everyone despite sharing the same table, as though he were a casual observer. Anything more, and it would become all too comfortable. Levi's expression softened without him realizing it as he watched Auruo tease Petra about something or other, and fail to dodge the not-so-playful elbow she dealt him to his side. Eren tried to hide his grin behind his hand, but earned a dark look from Auruo regardless. Suddenly, a scene rose in Levi's mind like a barely-remembered dream, a pale-haired young man holding something just out of reach of a red-headed girl with messy ponytails. He blinked, pushing it aside as he frowned slightly at himself. The past was gone and couldn't be changed, he told himself. There was no need to dwell on it now.

Coming back to the present, he realized that Auruo was looking in his direction, for how long, he didn't know. "I mean, it's still creepy though, isn't it?" Auruo continued with whatever he'd been saying when Levi's mind had wandered.  "A kid so young able to kill two grown men? Something like that isn't normal. A boy that age should be playing with toys, not knives."

"He did it to save someone, Auruo," Petra protested on Eren's behalf. Eren was frowning with his gaze averted, his jaw working as though he was trying to hold back a response. "If he hadn't, then-"

"But still," Auruo continued over her, looking in the captain's direction, "you can't help but be wary around a person like that. It's only natural."

Levi looked into his cup before grasping it by the rim and raising it to his lips. "I can't really say anything against him about that and not seem like a hypocrite," he answered after taking a sip. "I did worse when I was near his age for less noble reasons. But yeah," he added, catching Auruo's gaze,  "it's not normal."

Auruo averted his eyes nervously and the table seemed to grow quiet. Except for Eren, his eyes large. "Is that when you were in the capital's underground, sir?" he asked, his curiosity getting ahead of his commonsense.

"When I was in the underground, huh?" Levi asked with a partly raised eyebrow. "What would you know about that?"

Though Levi had said this as blandly as his usual way of speaking, Eren seemed anxious, only now realizing what he'd been prying into. He raised his hands and made a placating gesture. "It's not that I _know_ anything, it's just that... well, I heard something about it somewhere." Eren seemed to make a distinct effort to look everywhere but in Petra's direction. For her part, she was gazing into her cup of tea innocently as though it looked interesting.

"Oh, I see," Levi answered. He draped an arm casually over the back of his chair. "It was before that, actually. When I came to the city below the capital, the little group I made there dealt with things... less violent than that. Usually."

When Eren opened his mouth again, Petra tried to catch his eye to get him to quit while he was ahead, but was too subtle for him to notice. "Where were you before that?"

Levi looked down into his teacup, noting the grains of sugar that had settled to the bottom. He swirled what was left of the tea to dissolve them. "Let's just say... you probably don't want to know the details and leave it at that," he answered after a moment.

Levi raised the cup to his lips again. Petra avoided his gaze, a flush rising to her face. Auruo blanched, and Gunter cleared his throat. When Levi's heavy stare fell upon Eren, he noted the discomfort on his features. "Sorry! I didn't mean to pry. It isn't my business or anything, and-"

"Don't get so nervous," Levi said, his expression unchanged. "I'm not pissed off or anything that you asked about it."

"I just wanted to know a bit about you, since you know all about me," Eren couldn't keep from blurting out. His voice started to trail off, "like if you still had family somewhere or..."

"Family, huh," Levi sighed, faintly wistful. He tilted back his head to gaze at the ceiling. "Those brats in the underground with me felt a bit like that, I guess, but as for blood relatives somewhere, who can say?"

It wasn't long before everyone was excusing themselves from the table to take advantage of their free time before retiring for the night. The next day held the promise of more hard work before some other members of the Survey Corps arrived. As Levi left the room, he could feel Eren's eyes follow after him.

 

When Levi sought out Eren later in the night to escort him to his room below the castle, the oil lamp he carried lighting his way, he found him just outside the building, leaning against the stone wall in the dim light. A soft breeze rustled Eren's hair as he stared out at the darkened landscape.

"Hey," Levi uttered when Eren didn't notice him at first, apparently lost in his thoughts. He startled, his head swiveling in his captain's direction. "I've been looking for you. Time for all good boys to be in bed," he attempted to joke.

At Eren's unreadable expression, Levi sighed and turned away carrying the lantern. Soft footfalls told him Eren was following silently behind him. Levi huffed to himself. He wasn't cut out for this kind of thing, trying to make nice with anyone, especially someone Eren's age. Erwin and his scheming would be the death of him someday, he supposed.

The door to the lower level squealed on its hinges as Levi pushed it open. He held the lantern in front of him to light their way into the dungeon. Eren continued to follow him quietly. Was the kid sulking because he'd be sleeping in the dungeon for the foreseeable future? Levi had many strong points, but determining the moods of teenagers wasn't one of them.

"You're lucky Four-Eyes was delayed in getting here," Levi told him. "They'd be doing everything short of slicing little pieces off of you otherwise."

"I'm sorry," Eren said suddenly.

Levi glanced over his shoulder at Eren and his downcast expression. "I told you not to worry about that earlier," he told him, knowing what Eren was referring to. "I can't be bothered getting angry over what people gossip about behind my back anymore. Just... drop it, alright?"

"Alright," Eren answered.

The bottom of the stairs opened into a corridor with a door visible nearby in the dim light. Levi pulled a key out of his uniform jacket and slid it into the lock, turning it. He gestured for Eren to follow him into the room as he pushed open the door. Levi handed Eren the lamp he'd brought down with them before heading toward a small table, lighting the oil lamp that sat there. More warm light illuminated the sparsely furnished, but clean room.

Levi strode back toward Eren to retrieve the lamp from his hand. "I straightened this place up for you earlier, and your things are still in the satchel by the nightstand."

Eren looked surprised. "T-thank you, Captain."

"I would have taken out the stuff and put it away, since I hate it when shit isn't put away," Levi continued, "but I didn't know if you'd freak out about me rifling through your underwear."

"I wouldn't have minded," Eren remarked, "I mean-" he stammered with wide eyes at Levi's blank look.

"It's fine, I know what you mean," he said, turning to go. "I'll come back to collect you in the morning, so if you're a heavy sleeper be prepared to be kicked out of bed."

"Right," Eren answered. "And sir? Thank you for earlier," he added.

Levi cast his eyes over his shoulder. "For what?"

Eren rubbed his upper arm absently. "For taking my side at dinner. It made me feel like I'm not... some kind of natural born killer like people were saying back at the hearing."

Levi turned toward him fully, canting his head to the side as the lantern he carried cast shadows across his face. "If you're a monster for that, kid, then that means Erwin has more than one dancing in his palm." He turned away from Eren's surprised face to head toward the door.

"Goodnight, sir," Levi heard from behind him as he opened the door, the key heavy in his pocket.

"Goodnight, Eren," he found himself answering as he turned around, catching his gaze momentarily before locking him in for the night.


	2. Chapter 2

When Levi woke abruptly the next morning as the sun had just started climbing past the horizon, he gazed up at the ceiling with wide eyes. His nightmares had chased him into the daylight hours as they sometimes did. He could still see their images painted across the ceiling and walls, and on the inside of his eyelids when he squeezed them closed as though this would shut out the lingering visions. Like how the rain beat down upon soil soaked with gore that day, the bloody mud slowing Levi to a lurching run as he tried to make his way back to them. Like the sight of her swinging up into the darkened sky before twisting toward him as she caught sight of him on the ground, her eyes wide and terrified. Her hand was extended toward him as though by a feat of strength he didn't possess, he could snatch her away from her fate. The scenes of blood and death started to leave Levi as he breathed deeply, trying to control his pounding heart. Even after so long, and after so many dreamless nights in between, the moments of Levi's greatest regrets would return to him in vivid color during the hours before dawn. This dream was one of far too many, but numbered among the worst.

Levi dragged himself out of bed and thanked goddesses he never believed in that his quarters had a private shower where he could linger undisturbed. Levi leaned against newly-scrubbed tile as warm water poured over his body while he tried to clear his head. Grasping the soap and working up a lather, he let the fresh fragrance soothe him and the surrounding cleanliness lend the calm that he currently lacked, as though all the grime on his blood-stained soul could flow down the drain from him, leaving purity behind.

Levi felt more like his usual self after he'd dried off on a fresh towel and strode back into his bedroom to get dressed. After pulling on his boots, he leaned against the small but comfortable couch as he crossed his legs. He reached for the book he'd placed on the side table previously, but after scanning pages without truly seeing the content, he rose from his seat, irritated. Noting the time, Levi decided to go fetch Eren from his room, hoping his restless mood would dissipate at some point during the routine day ahead.

The captain strode nearly silently through the hallways despite his boots until he came upon the entrance to the lower level. Swinging the door open with more force than necessary, he descended while counting the stairs as he went, letting the mundane action lull his agitation.

Levi had nearly regained his usual composure when he keyed into Eren's room. Finding the teen sound asleep as he loomed over him nearly sent his composure fleeing from him. The silly half smile on the kid's face irked Levi for reasons he couldn't name. He knew that he shouldn't begrudge the boy a peaceful night's sleep, which was probably one of very few for him lately, but couldn't help his sour mood.

"Hey, Eren," Levi said, grabbing his shoulder and shaking it none too gently. He uttered an annoyed sound when Eren continued to sleep through increasingly vigorous movement. "Why are you making me shake you awake like I'm your old man? Get your sorry ass out of the bed before I kick you out of it."

Eren slowly blinked sleep from his eyes, still wearing that irritating smile, until he roused himself enough to see who it was looming over him. He sat up in bed with almost comical speed. "Sorry, sir!" he sputtered red-faced at his captain's glare.

Levi eyed him. "I would have thought you'd be less of a heavy sleeper by now. What's wrong? Were you having a wet dream you didn't want to leave just yet?" he needled.

He was surprised that Eren could get more red-faced than he already was while he stammered denials, embarrassed. Teenagers could be so irritating. One mention of shit that happens to any guy with a pulse could send them into fits of either laughter or mortification. Levi rolled his eyes skyward.

"Gather your shit so you can hit the showers," Levi told him. "We've got to get the rest of the castle in order today before we do anything else. All the dust around is making my skin crawl."

"Yes, sir," Eren remarked as he moved to comply.

 

Later that morning, Eren was met with the smell of freshly cooked food as he walked into the dining room. After greeting everyone, he eagerly sat down while Petra set the table. Eren was about to ask where the captain was, as his usual seat at the head of the table was empty, but then watched in surprise as the man emerged from the kitchen, carrying a platter in each hand.

"You cook?" Eren remarked with such surprise that he left the man's title off.

"Yeah, sometimes," Levi answered, not seeming to mind Eren's momentary lapse into informality as he set the food down in the center of the table.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Petra remarked. "Captain Levi made us all a lovely breakfast today."

"It's no big deal," he told her. "I got tired of eating shitty rations, so I cooked something. I just happened to make enough for everyone, that's all."

Eren ate a forkful of eggs and seasoned meat that melted in his mouth, unable to stop the hum that escaped his lips as he closed his eyes in delight. He then bit into a biscuit with a flavor and texture reminiscent of the ones his mother used to make. Eren felt so oddly happy that he forgot himself. "You're better than a wife, Captain Levi," he sighed before his mind had time to think better of the words that came out of his mouth.

"Huh?" Levi remarked in a tone that had Erd almost choking on a bite of food while he tried to suppress his laughter. Gunter helpfully slapped his back. Auruo smirked at how easily Eren had evoked the face that the captain wore while he killed titans.

"I don't mean that you're like a woman, Captain Levi," Eren tried to explain, gesturing as though he were trying to ward off an incoming tirade. "I just meant that you enjoy doing domestic things, like a wife would, or... that you'd keep a good house the way... most men... like their wives to do?" His voice trailed off when he saw that continuing to speak wasn't helping his case.

Auruo scoffed as he shook his head at the teen. "What are you saying, Eren? That you want to get a country home beyond the walls when this is all over, and have the captain there waiting for you with a hot meal after you come home from work, or something?" he teased. "You might as well throw in some orphaned brats that you picked up for him to take care of and complete the spectacle." Eren turned beet red at the imagery brought to mind. Petra assumed this was mostly due to embarrassment, and briefly scolded Auruo for making fun of the teen's inadequacy with words.

Witnessing Eren's awkwardness somehow dissipated most of Levi's anger. "Little kids suck," he stated blandly, surprising everyone by even responding to the scenario Auruo had conjured. "They never want to clean up after themselves. Pigs are less messy." He sighed heavily while he cut his eyes toward the side, staring at nothing in particular. "You spouting off whatever floats into your head isn't worth staying pissed off about," he said to Eren.

Petra's voice held an apologetic note. "I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, captain. I bet there are a lot of women who would love a husband that knows his way around a kitchen, and who keeps things tidy like you do."

Levi shook his head as he watched Petra pour steaming hot tea into his cup. "I'm not easy to live with, and I never had a talent at pursuing women," he admitted, not bothered by stating his flaws aloud.

"It's probably not that," Petra answered. "Maybe you just need to meet the right woman." Levi uttered a non-committal sound, failing to pick up on the implications in her tone of voice. He also didn't notice the way Eren eyed her briefly, his brows slightly furrowed.

The rest of breakfast was uneventful, with the group discussing tasks that still needed to be handled before splitting up for the rest of the day. Levi decided to tackle the storage shed behind the castle while everyone was busy elsewhere. A layer of dust coated the floor, the windowsills, and boxes that hadn't been removed the last time they used the headquarters. Opening the windows, he set to work wiping down everything he could and sweeping up the dirt.

As he worked past noon in the small building, Levi noticed that it was growing warmer than it had the previous day. The small windows in the storage shed didn't let nearly enough air in to dissipate the heat. Levi removed the cloth he had tied to his face, feeling stifled somewhat by the temperature in the room, but was reluctant to stop in the middle of a task.

Moments later, Eren appeared in the doorway. "Petra told me you were out here, sir. Do you need any help?" he offered.

"Sure," Levi told him. "You can start moving those boxes into the corner to make room for the new supplies that are coming soon while I finish this up."

Eren set to work quickly. The corner of Levi's mouth curled up faintly as he watched him lift a rather large box and deposit it where he'd told him without too much effort. Eren was stronger than he looked like he himself was, Levi supposed. Even green recruits had corded muscle hidden beneath their uniforms that had been built up by the 3D maneuver gear they used. He couldn't help but be mildly pleased by the enthusiasm that Eren showed for the task. When Eren looked over at him after moving another box with an odd little smile on his face, Levi realized that he was still staring at the teen. He frowned at himself and got back to work.

Soon enough, Levi found himself wiping perspiration off of his forehead with the back of his hand. He huffed in annoyance. "I'm definitely going to need another shower before dinner," Levi groaned in a low voice. The words and the tone of voice they were spoken in had Eren pausing mid-step, a box in his arms, to pivot his head towards his captain. He was treated to the sight of Levi untying his cravat with nimble fingers as his head tilted back, exposing his throat. Levi didn't notice how the teen watched with interest as the fabric slid off of his pale neck, nor how Eren swallowed as if his throat was suddenly dry at the sound of his captain's faint sigh while unfastening the top button of his shirt. Folding the cravat neatly, Levi placed it near his uniform jacket atop a small box. Eren managed to make it toward the corner without dropping what he carried, stacking the box on top of the others with shaky hands.

Levi walked over toward the window to retrieve his canteen that sat on the ledge. Opening it, he hummed slightly as he took a long pull off of it, feeling refreshed. He cut his eye at Eren, who he noticed was giving him a lingering gaze. The teen startled at being caught out, stammering an awkward apology.  Levi, misinterpreting Eren's expression, walked over to him holding the canteen. He gazed down as though in thought at the item, before looking up at the teen.

"You can have some if you're thirsty, Eren," Levi told him. He figured that he should attempt to be nice to the kid, especially since it was so hot. It's not like he couldn't wash the container later.

Eren thanked him, wearing that funny little smile again as he took the container, raising it to his lips with apparent relish. Levi frowned, noticing the teen's flushed face.

"Hey, are you okay?" Levi asked in concern. "You haven't been overdoing it have you?" He raised his hand to Eren's forehead to check his temperature. He didn't seem to be overheating, but his face was still flushed and held a strangely dazed expression all of a sudden.

"Oi, did the heat fry your brain so you forgot how to speak?" he asked as Eren continued to be oddly silent, his lips slightly parted. Levi frowned at himself more than anything. He shouldn't have had the kid work so hard in the overly warm building.

"I-I'm okay," Eren told him after a moment. "It's nothing really. Thanks for asking, sir," he added.

Petra chose the moment when Levi's hand was sliding from Eren's flushed face to enter the storage area. Her eyes wide, she looked between the two of them for a moment before she remembered what had brought her out back.

"Um, Captain Levi," she began. "A messenger is here from Commander Erwin."

"I'll be there in a moment," Levi told her, sliding the scarf he had tied to his head free. He noticed with a slight frown how she hovered somewhat awkwardly in the doorway. He turned around to hurriedly grasp his uniform jacket and missed the odd look that Petra gave Eren as the teen watched him slide his arms into the garment with interest. Levi started toward the door, but not without a backward look toward Eren.

"You can take a break now, Eren," he told him. "I'm not that much of an asshole that I'm going to make you keep working in this heat. Go get cleaned up. We can finish the rest together tomorrow when it's cooler."

"Alright. Thank you, Captain," Eren told him, and the smile that bloomed on his face was beatific. His green eyes seemed to catch the light that streamed in through the open window.

After being momentarily taken aback by Eren's expression, Levi huffed, but there was no edge to it. His hand rested lightly on the door frame as he hovered just inside of it. "You and those huge fucking eyes. It's not like you have to look at me that way for doing such a small thing for you." Levi could swear that the heat was affecting him as well, because a strangely warm feeling bloomed in his chest at the sight of him, bittersweet nostalgia and something else he couldn't quite place. Because _she_ had looked at him like that most days, hadn't she? The one who had believed in him more than anyone.

The corners of Levi's mouth curled up into the faintest of smiles at a faded memory that passed through his mind as he turned from the doorway. Even though Levi hadn't admitted it at the time, that look of hers would make him feel like he could accomplish anything.

As Levi headed back to the castle, he didn't notice how stiffly Petra bid Eren goodbye, nor how she eyed her captain strangely along the way toward their destination.

 

Late afternoon had Levi retracing his path after he'd had a shower and a change of clothes. He already wasn't in the best of moods after meeting with Erwin's messenger, who'd looked like he was going to shit himself at the sight of Levi's face while he finished reading the tail end of Erwin's letter to himself. It's not like he was going to slice the guy because he was less than happy at his commander's parting words of encouragement regarding 'that thing we discussed earlier that is a problem area for you.'

He was currently walking in a huff back to the storage building, scanning the ground as he went. At some point earlier in the day, Levi had dropped his cravat. It's not as though he didn't have others - he was currently wearing one - but losing something of his didn't sit well with him. It must have been a holdover from the days when decent clothing hadn't been easy to come by. Levi wasn't even sure what had gotten into him today, because it wasn't like him to misplace his belongings.

Levi searched the storage shed, not finding the cravat where he could have sworn he'd last seen it, atop a small box near the now closed window. Turning his head toward the neatly stacked boxes in the corner, he realized that Eren must have finished up at some point after he'd left with Petra. Levi figured the kid must have done it to impress him or something. Stupid brat with those ridiculously huge green eyes that reminded him too much of Isabel's. And then there was the smile that Eren wore sometimes. And that eager to please attitude the kid had been directing toward him. And why the hell was he comparing the two of them in the first place? Failing to find what he'd been looking for didn't improve Levi's mood. He stalked back to the castle in irritation.

As suppertime approached, the squad drifted into the dining room. Levi frowned, noting an absence. "Where's Eren?" he asked Petra after she waved a greeting to him.

"A little while ago, I saw him headed toward the door to the lower level," she answered helpfully. "Maybe he lost track of time."

Whatever Levi was going to respond was lost in the noise coming from the hallway outside. The door slammed open, with Hange appearing to fill it.

"Hello, everyone!," they said cheerfully. "Sorry I got held up. I tried to make up time as quickly as I could. So, how's everyone been?"

Levi frowned at them. "I guess the peace and quiet around here is now gone forever," he remarked.

"Such cold words, Levi," Hange said, their mood unchanged. They moved forward to grip Levi's shoulder to his apparent discomfort. "But everyone around here knows you missed me." They ignored how he scoffed at that.  "So, hey," Hange said, pulling him that much closer, "where's Eren, hmm? I can't wait to go over the experiments I have planned with him!"

Levi took a step backward and extricated himself from Hange's grip. "He's still downstairs. I'll go get him," he said before anyone else could offer so that they could escape Hange for a while. He headed out of the room catching Hange's "don't take too long," and Auruo's groan.

Walking down the stairs on his way to collect Eren, Levi sighed. He couldn't say he was looking forward to whatever Hange had in store for the kid. While Levi knew that experimentation was necessary to find out the extent of Eren's powers, he could only hope that the conditions were controlled enough where he wouldn't end up taking down a berserk titan shifter. It would be a waste of all the time and effort the team had put in thus far, was all, he told himself. As he neared the bottom of the stairs, he could tell that the room's door was cracked, light spilling from the opening. When he drew near enough, he heard a strange sort of sigh echo off the stone walls. Levi peered through the opening curiously before roughly shoving the door open. He frowned at what he knew he'd just seen a moment before, a flustered Eren shoving an item that looked all too familiar underneath his pillow as quickly as he could.

"What was that?" Levi asked, the annoyance showing on his face as he set the lantern down nearby.

"What do you mean, sir?" Eren asked seemingly innocently, but the look on his face gave him away.

Levi stalked over toward the bed, ignoring the rising alarm written across Eren's face. "Don't act like I'm stupid or blind." He batted Eren's hands away as he tried and failed to block him from reaching to grab what the teen had shoved under the pillow. He narrowed his eyes at his wrinkled cravat while Eren stammered.

"I found it! I was going to give it back-"

"But somehow you didn't," Levi interrupted. "I pocketed more than a few things in my day, but why the hell would you want..." he trailed off as pieces started to fit together in his mind. Like the strange furtive glances Eren had been giving him before they had even come to headquarters. The odd smiles, and how he'd been going out of his way to be helpful. Dawning horror twisted Levi's expression at what he feared he had just interrupted. He moved to hold his cravat between two fingers as he grimaced.

"I didn't do anything weird with it!" Eren insisted when he saw Levi's face. "I found it in the storage shed after you left. You forgot it there. I really was going to give it back," Eren told him, his eyes falling into his lap to gaze at his fidgeting hands, "but it smelled so much like you that I just..."

"So, you're into smelling shit like Mike now or something?" Levi asked.

Eren made a frustrated sound and bowed his head, but other than that was silent in the face of Levi's anger. For his part, Levi tried to calm himself. He took a deep breath and let it out through his nose to aid in regaining his composure.

"Look," Levi started, trying to sympathize, "I guess I can understand how it is. You joined the military young, and now your hormones or whatever are kicking in. There's no one your age around right now for you to get it out of your system with, so you developed some kind of crush on-"

"You don't understand! It's not a crush!" Eren insisted. "It's more than that," he added sullenly, not wanting all he felt for the man to be dismissed out of hand.

"You say that now, Eren, but once you're back with your friends, you'll be chasing girls right along side them." Even Levi knew enough about young people to realize that many were flighty and had changeable hearts.

"I don't want to chase girls," Eren stated unequivocally, the _I'd rather chase you_ left unsaid to hang in the room between them.

"Eren, I'm not the kind of guy you want to attach yourself to. You'll have to trust me on that," Levi told him. "Besides, there are too many reasons why the two of us together would be a bad idea, if you'd stop to think about it. I'm your commanding officer and too old for you, to start with. One of us could end up titan shit in a week from now for all you know. You don't need another person to mourn if I get killed." Levi sighed and gazed at the wall over Eren's head. "And I'd be some sort of pig to start fooling around with a kid I'm supposed to be watching over."

"But you didn't say that you didn't like me," Eren noted in a low voice. He gazed up at his captain from under his lashes. "You're giving me a list of rational reasons, but one of them wasn't, 'I don't feel that way about you.' If you didn't like me, wouldn't that have been the first thing you said to discourage me? I've seen the way you look at me sometimes," he added.

With widening eyes, Levi stared down at Eren's expression. How the kid could make anxiety, confusion, hope, and determination fit in those huge green eyes all at once was beyond him. Levi realized that Eren was right in a way. Why hadn't he just started out with the most obvious thing to say to the kid? Wasn't this his cue to say the words now? Levi found that the words died on his lips as Eren's gaze became more hopeful with each moment that he remained tongue-tied. Levi wanted to believe his reticence was because he wasn't such a cruel man that he would bluntly dash the hopes of someone obviously inexperienced, that he was trying to think of tactful words that failed to come to mind.

Levi's reverie was broken by fingertips tentatively brushing the back of the hand that still held his cravat. Eren looked up at him as though he feared risking Levi's rage with his actions. Eren slowly ghosted his fingers across his captain's hand until he was gripping it lightly.

"I used to think it was irresponsible for soldiers to get involved in a relationship with anyone, because they might die and leave that person behind." Eren began. "But that can happen anyway, can't it? You might be eating a meal with your family and answer a knock at the door, and the next thing you know, you see them in a pool of blood on the floor." His gaze turned haunted. "Or have a dumb fight with someone you care about, and the next moment they're taken from you before your eyes. But that doesn't mean you weren't happy before that, right? Or that the time you spent together was a waste?"

Eren rose from where he sat to face Levi, still gripping his hand. "The world takes more and more from us, because it's hungry and cruel, but that doesn't stop us from wanting so many different things. That's just how human beings are, right? So why can't we just... have something nice together for now?" Eren loomed so closely to his captain that Levi could feel his breath caress his face as Eren continued to speak in a low voice as if afraid of being heard. "If we're both just waiting to die one day soon, then is this so wrong?" he finished, gesturing with his free hand between them.

At a loss for words, Levi gazed up at Eren as he leaned downward tentatively to close the distance between them, his eyes focusing on Levi's parted lips. Realizing what the teen was about to do, Levi took a step backwards. He shoved the cravat into Eren's hand and ignored the fact that he could feel the pounding of his own heart. Eren gripped it as Levi snatched his hand away. "I guess you can keep that if you want," he said, glad his voice was steadier than he felt. "It's not like I don't have other ones. I'm not taking it back anyway since I don't know what a kid with weird tastes like yours has been doing with it."

Eren blinked, confused as much as irritated at how his captain had sidestepped everything he'd just said. Levi turned away, and pretended he didn't see Eren sigh before folding the item and placing it into the pocket in the inner lining of his uniform jacket. And Eren tried to be heartened by the fact that his captain had chosen to avoid dealing with the situation instead of just bluntly rebuffing him.

Levi spoke first into the ensuing uncomfortable silence before Eren could. "The reason I came all the way down here in the first place is because Hange finally made it to headquarters," Levi said as he retrieved the lantern, expecting Eren to follow him. "They're probably bouncing off the walls upstairs waiting for me to come back up with you."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to delay anyone's plans," Eren said apologetically, chastened somewhat by the reminder of why he was here under Levi's care in the first place.

"Bouncing off the walls is Four-Eyes' normal state of being," Levi answered. "It's annoying as fuck. I'm leaving you to them for the rest of the evening. I consider that appropriate punishment for swiping my shit."

"Yes, sir," Eren said in a depressed tone as he followed his captain out of the room.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Levi checked the time yet again. Hange was supposed to bring Eren to his office when the two of them were finished going over the plans for tomorrow. The late hour told Levi that Hange had decided to talk the kid's ear off. How did they expect him to function properly for testing if the kid was barely conscious due to lack of sleep? Someone would have to go and interrupt the pair so that Eren could get locked in for the night. With a heavy sigh, Levi rose from the couch to head downstairs, the key to the boy's room in his pocket.

As he'd expected, Levi heard Hange's excited voice before he'd even reached the doorway to the dining room. Upon entering, Levi saw Hange leaning forward trying to engage a barely awake Eren. When the teen caught sight of him, he gave Levi an imploring look.

"Hange, why are you still down here yammering away to Eren?" Levi said to them in a tired voice. "How are either of you going to function tomorrow?"

"Oh, it won't be a problem," Hange replied. "I don't need much sleep."

"How can you have four eyes and not see what's right in front of you?" Levi remarked, emphasizing his words with a thump to their forehead with his thumb and forefinger. "Look how tired the kid is."

Hange blinked at Eren, staring at him as though they were just now seeing the teen properly. " Oh, sorry, Eren. I didn't realize how tired you were. I guess I'll just tell you the rest tomorrow." They rose from their seat with a small grin. "Goodnight, then. It looks like you have Eren all to yourself again, Levi." 

Levi glared at them. "What's that supposed to mean?" he snapped before thinking.

Hange's smile faded somewhat. "I didn't mean anything by it, really," they answered. Then a broad grin split their face. "You're usually not so sensitive, Levi. Did something interesting happen when I wasn't around that you want to tell me about?" Hange asked, leaning toward him with an odd light in their eyes.

Levi pushed them back, but there was little force to the action. "There's nothing to tell, Hange. Stop looking for gossip. Come on, Eren," Levi told him as he took hold of the teen by his upper arm to haul him from the room. Levi didn't need Hange asking anything that would make him give himself away.

The walk downstairs was made mostly in an uncomfortable silence where the sound of their boots on the stone stairs was the only thing audible. Before he'd taken his leave of Eren, Levi turned back toward him. "Try to get as much rest as you can. It seems like you have a big day planned for tomorrow." It appeared as though Eren wanted to say something to Levi, but when he noticed his captain's closed-off expression, his lips pressed into a thin line as he cast his eyes downward.

Back in his room, despite feeling tired, sleep took a long time to come to Levi, but not for the usual reasons. With the way Levi felt upon waking, he wanted to send someone else to retrieve Eren besides himself. He thought about giving Erd or Petra the task, but if he did, it would seem to Eren like he had something to be afraid of when it came to him. And he didn't. The way Eren was behaving toward him was merely a nuisance and nothing more than that. It was something that Levi should be able to handle himself without involving others. It's not like the kid had managed to get under his skin to such an extent.

The best course of action for both their sakes was to show Eren indifference, Levi thought to himself as he walked the castle hallways. There was only so long someone as young as Eren could carry a flame for someone who wasn't responding to his advances. The kid would end up turning his eyes elsewhere before long if he didn't encourage his crush.

By the time he was retrieving Eren from his room, Levi wished he'd sent Auruo so the boy could be treated with the ill mood the man usually had in the morning. Before he'd even had a chance to exit the doorway of the teen's room, Eren was already spouting nonsense.

"Why won't you just admit that you like me?" Eren asked him suddenly as he followed. His voice bore a note that was almost forlorn.

Levi showed him his back, frowning as he started to climb the stairs. "How could I possibly like you, Eren? Haven't you heard already? I don't like anyone," he said in an irritated way, "especially people who are too persistent."

Eren followed behind his captain noticing how stiffly he was walking up the stairs in anger, but couldn't help continuing to speak. "It seems more like you're trying  _not_ to like me," he muttered. When Levi didn't acknowledge his words, Eren asked hesitantly, "I-is it because there's someone else? Because, if you let yourself like me, then you'd have to choose between-"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Levi asked, interrupting him. He cast an angry glance over his shoulder. "I have a lover somewhere that you're trying to steal me away from?"

They ascended in silence for a few moments until Levi heard the teen mutter something that had him freezing in his tracks on the landing of the staircase. "What did you say?" he asked.

Eren stood stiffly, anxiety radiating from him, cursing the fact that he always had a problem knowing which thoughts to keep to himself. Faced with his captain's stern gaze, he couldn't help but answer. "I said... I was wondering if it was the commander..."

"Erwin? Why the hell would you think that-"

"You're always at his side! And I heard that he took you under his wing when he accepted you into the Survey Corps." Eren's eyes shifted to gaze at the stone wall nearby. "They say he let you in without even going through training. And you seem to just follow him without question, and the way he looks at you sometimes-"

"So you think I auditioned for him on my back years ago?" Levi asked, hovering somewhere between anger and disbelief.

"No!" Eren said waving his hands in surrender to try to ward off his captain's anger. "I mean, I was just wondering if maybe the two of you were fond of-"

Levi huffed loudly. "I didn't even like him back then! Him and his scheming," Levi growled under his breath, and the way he said it, Eren wasn't sure if he was referring to the past or the present. "Look, I didn't have to go through training, because I had more talent than those assholes that were trying to look down on us in the Survey Corps when we entered at the time. Erwin saw us using the 3D maneuver gear like pros in the underground and recruited my friends and I. And why I decided to follow him after that is my own affair."

"Oh, good," Eren replied, and it irritated Levi all the more that the kid had the nerve to seem relieved that Erwin wasn't a threat to him in that way.

"Even if I am letting Erwin have me on his desk and dirty up all those maps and drawings he keeps there, it's none of your damn business to start with," Levi stated angrily before he turned away to head up the next flight of stairs. "You don't see me asking you about your girlfriend," he added.

"Girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend," Eren answered somewhat indignantly.

Levi briefly glanced over his shoulder. "You mean you've forgotten about that dark-haired girl that follows you around everywhere, and that lived with you for years? Back in the courthouse, I thought she was going to insist on staying in the dungeon here with you."

"Mikasa? That's ridiculous! She's not my-"

"Then from what it seemed like to me, she wants to be." Levi told him. "I thought I was going to have to tangle with her at the hearing when I kicked the shit out of you. I've heard that she's strong, so it would have gotten ugly. I'm glad it didn't come to that, since I wasn't trying to give those complacent pigs more of a show than I had to."

"It's not what you're thinking. She just thinks of me as family or something," Eren explained. "And she feels like she owes me for helping her years ago. Because of that, Mikasa can be weirdly protective of me sometimes. Well, all the time," he added with a frown. "It gets annoying. But we don't have those kind of feelings for each other."

Levi's eyes were on the rising stairs ahead of him. "I think that your feelings are so confused that you're kidding yourself. You might not have minded being my punching bag for a few minutes because of hero worship or whatever, but you can't tell me that if I'd had to hurt her, that you'd still be so fond of me."

"Mikasa can take care of herself," Eren said. "She's never needed me as some sort of knight. If she'd wanted to fight you, then you'd have had to respond, whether you wanted to or not, right? I wouldn't really be able to fault you for that. She can be dangerous when she wants to be. I mean, one time she and Annie-"

"Eren," Levi interrupted. "I'm not talking about the kind of shit you guys got up to in the barracks when you were trainees trying to figure out whose dick was bigger. I'm talking about a real fight with real consequences. When I get into it with someone, it's hard for me to do it any other way. That's why I haven't gone around looking to start shit for ages." Levi glanced over his shoulder. "Your friend may be strong, but she's not like what those assholes back in the courtroom were spouting. She seems like a normal person who has gone through bad shit, like you. There's a difference between having to kill someone to protect yourself and others, and being a killer."

As the pair climbed the last flight of stairs toward the door in a silence brimming with tension, Levi could feel Eren's eyes boring into his back until the teen decided to break it. "Are you trying to tell me that you're a killer, Captain Levi?" Eren said in a quiet voice that seemed to echo off of the stone walls.

Levi stopped his ascent and Eren did as well in response. Levi half-turned to gaze at him over one shoulder. It was likely a trick of the light cast from the oil lantern that he held, but his gray eyes seemed to hold a haunted quality as they glittered in the lamplight. "If I told you that I was, would it make you give up this fixation on me?"

Initially taken aback, Eren stood firm and gazed up at him with resolve shining in his eyes. "No."

Levi frowned and turned away, uttering a sound of annoyance. "I take back what I said. You're not a normal person at all."

 

As the sun climbed toward the apex of the sky, Levi sat on his horse near Hange. The pair watched from a safe distance while Eren descended into the well. The well was Hange's idea of a way to contain the teenager if he lost control like he did at Trost. It was Levi's idea to attempt to carve the boy out of the titan's neck with minimal damage if this occurred so that they could avoid killing him. His squad was on standby a distance away in case they were required. At the green signal flare, Levi expected to hear a sound reminiscent of a clap of thunder like those who had witnessed Eren transform said would rumble in the electrically charged air. He frowned when after a few moments, there was only silence. It wasn't long before Levi and Hange were peering over the edge of the well down at a human Eren, one hand bitten bloody.

With a worried and dejected expression, Eren climbed out of the well to sit on a flat-topped rock a distance away, his head bowed. The wound on his hand dripped blood slowly into the soil. The boy made no move to remedy this. When Levi's shadow fell over him, he looked up in mild surprise as though startled out of his thoughts.

Levi eyed Eren's wounded hand before grasping it. "Are you a masochist? Why did you bite yourself so many times when there was no effect?" Levi produced a handkerchief from his pocket, and pressed it firmly to the teen's wound. Though depressed, Eren seemed glad of even this small bit of attention from the man. "This doesn't seem to be healing like usual," Levi noted after a moment.

"It doesn't," Eren agreed, gazing sullenly at his aching wound. "I don't know why my powers are so unreliable now."

"Any ideas, Hange?" Levi asked as they approached.

"Maybe," Hange said. They crouched beside Eren almost too close for his comfort. "Eren, can you think of anything that's different now compared to the other times you transformed?"

"Well," Eren began, looking skyward as if the answer was written there. "The first time, I was in a titan's belly. I was thinking about how I was going to die, but I couldn't yet. I couldn't die until I killed them. All of them. The ones that killed my friends and family. I wanted to just tear them all apart." Eren's eyes started to shimmer with rage before he was able to calm himself.

"The next time, I was trying to save my friends from cannon fire from the garrison troops. The last time was when General Pixis wanted me to seal the wall with the huge stone they'd unearthed earlier." Eren scratched the back of his head with his free hand. "I guess what's different is that I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I mean, you want me to transform as part of your experiment, but-"

"Ah!" Hange exclaimed as they stood abruptly, startling Eren somewhat. "That makes sense! You need a goal in mind or the proper motivation, otherwise it's hard to focus your powers." Their excitement faded almost as quickly as it had come. "It's too bad 'participate in Hange's experiment' isn't enough of a goal for you."

"Motivation, huh?" Levi murmured as he wrapped the handkerchief into a make-shift bandage before releasing Eren's hand.

After Hange strode away to discuss something with their assistant, Levi regarded Eren. "Are you sure that's all there is to it, a lack of a goal?" Levi asked him. "There's nothing else going on?" He gazed over toward where Hange and Moblit were speaking to each other, feeling suddenly angry. "It's not that I won't indulge you that you're having such a hard time trying to focus?" He looked at Eren's surprised face sidelong, irritated. "Are all the plans we've made up until now going to shit because of the romantic whims of some kid? I don't know why you refuse to understand that it's for your own good that I-"

"Why is it up to you to decide what's good for me?" Eren asked, gazing up with an angry and stricken look that surprised Levi. "Why is everyone always deciding to protect me however they choose? How is it that I always end up a burden to everyone?" The teen's expression was a mixture of grief and frustration. As his good hand rose to fist in his hair, it sounded as though the words were being pulled from Eren's lips. "This is how it's always been, whether it was my parents, Mikasa, even Armin, and now you. I'm always the one being watched over, never the one protecting anyone or accomplishing anything! I don't remember much about what happened when my father made me this way, but I remember him telling me that if I wanted to protect the people I care about, I have to master this power. So don't act like I'm some kid just messing around! I'll figure something out. Finally, this is something only I can do. People are depending on me, so I'm not going to throw up my hands in defeat just because you keep rejecting me," Eren finished, his voice fading quietly. "Even though it's painful."

Levi regarded him for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh. "It's hard when everyone pins their hopes on you, isn't it? That's it's own burden." He looked down at Eren's wounded hand before raising his eyes to catch the teen's. "I guess I haven't been fair to you, Eren," he said, making the teen's eyes widen in surprise. "I've been treating you like a child when you're not anymore, right? You're a soldier who has already fought and nearly died in battle. You've seen things that those pigs who hide within the inner wall never will. So why should I treat you that way?"

Levi looked off into the distance, continuing in a low voice. "I keep thinking that you have these unrealistic ideas of what to expect if you're with me, things that I can't live up to. I'm not the man you think I am. I can't promise you anything, Eren, other than that I'll probably end up slicing that young and precious heart of yours to pieces in some way. It seems almost inevitable that you'll end up regretting-"

"I won't," Eren stated, gazing up at him with that determined look of his. "Even if things turn out badly somehow, I could never regret being with you."

Levi's eyes held Eren's for a long moment, hooded and unreadable. Maybe it was okay for him to be a selfish asshole from time to time. Maybe it was alright for him to seek out a little sweetness and warmth, even if he didn't deserve it. "Then alright." At Eren's questioning look, he elaborated. "I'll think about it. About us," Levi said, not quite meeting Eren's eyes.

Eren's face lit up as he realized what his captain was trying to tell him. He beamed up at the man, and Levi felt his breath catch in his throat when the teen reached up to grasp his hand.

Levi cast his eyes over his shoulder. His back was to Hange and their assistant, and he was positioned in such a way where they couldn't see what was occurring. "What do you think you're doing, Eren?" he asked as he turned back to the teen. Levi didn't move to shake free just yet, feeling as though the warmth from Eren's hand was traveling up his arm.

"You'd be pleased if I could transform and do their experiment, right?" Eren asked him, casting his eyes up almost shyly.

"Yeah, I suppose so. Then I wouldn't have to look at that stupid, disappointed face Erwin makes sometimes when things don't go his way."

"Okay!" Eren said, standing up. He held the man's hand for a moment longer before letting go to take off toward Hange. "What are you waiting for? Let's get started again. We can't just give up!"

Levi sauntered over toward Hange as Eren was climbing eagerly back down into the well. Hange grinned at him.

"My, my. Eren is so excited to get started again. What on earth did you two talk about just now?"

"I think I might have given him the motivation he needed somehow," Levi answered cryptically as he gazed over the rim of the well. Eren grinned up at him, giving him a thumbs-up.

Levi and Hange returned to their previous positions on their mounts. Hange shot off the green signal round. Moments later, Levi ended up trying to keep his horse from bolting at the crack of thunder that split the air, and the unearthly lightning that coursed down into the well where Eren stood. Levi couldn't help but watch with a strange sense of awe as Eren's titan body assembled itself from the inside out, seemingly out of thin air. Soon, they were looking at a 15 meter class titan that was hopefully sentient with green, piercing eyes, shaggy hair and ragged teeth stuffed into the well. It - no, Eren shifted uncomfortably against the encircling stone, one arm free and resting against the ground.

Hange shifted excitedly on their horse. "Ahh, good job Eren!," they called out, urging the animal into a trot toward him, seemingly oblivious to the danger of Eren's extended arm. Levi followed closely in case he needed to snatch Hange away abruptly.

To Levi's relief and Hange's excitement, Eren remained calm upon their approach. His burning green eyes tracked the pair's movements. Hange called out simple commands, and Eren was able to follow them for the most part. And if Hange noticed how Eren seemed momentarily distracted every time Levi crossed his field of vision, they didn't make comment on it.

 

At dinner, everyone seemed to be in good spirits. Suddenly, retaking Wall Maria didn't seem to be some sort of pipe dream. It was something attainable thanks to a human boy who could wrap himself in titan flesh. And the other soldiers seemed just a bit less wary of him when word got around of how calm and controlled Eren had been in his titan form.

Eren was sitting and chatting with Levi's squad comfortably after the meal. Even Auruo was patting the kid on the back, insisting that, unlike everyone else, he'd known that Eren would come through for them somehow all along. Erd chuckled behind his hand, and Petra couldn't help her blank stare at her smug squad mate. Levi stood nearby, leaning against the wall, watching them. Despite himself, it almost seemed like he'd subconsciously managed to assemble a little family again. How soon, Levi wondered, would he be collecting their broken bodies? How soon would he be setting their corpses alight to watch as smoke billowed up into the uncaring sky?

"You're quite the hero today, Eren," Levi remarked, making the teen's delighted eyes rise to his. "You did well," he found himself praising. Eren's answering smile was so bright that Levi was forced to look away. "Don't get so wound up that I have to hunt for you later," he said as he departed amid a round of goodbyes. Maybe he should just ignore the cynical, nagging voice in the back of his mind. Maybe he should just enjoy things while they lasted, however long or short that was.

Levi had just put his book down as he relaxed in his office when there was a knock at his door. He rose to open it, finding Eren beyond it. "You're early," Levi remarked.

"Sorry," Eren replied with a sheepish grin. He seemed anxious, but not necessarily in a negative way.

"That's alright," Levi told him as he moved toward his desk to retrieve the key that waited there.

For once, the trip to the dungeon contained no unease, but there was an odd tension that charged the air, raising gooseflesh on Levi's forearms like when he'd felt Eren's body transform. At first, it seemed as thought neither of them were going to act upon it. But once in Eren's room, Levi hadn't even placed the lantern in its usual spot before he felt Eren's arms winding slowly around his waist from behind.

Levi stiffened, knowing that he should push the boy away, but somehow as Eren rested his chin in the crook of his captain's shoulder, Levi felt as though he were frozen in place.

"Hey, Captain Levi," Eren started quietly, "have you thought about us yet?"

As Eren started to nuzzle against him softly, Levi was irritated at himself for being tongue-tied at such a small action. Had it really been so long since he'd been this close to anyone? "Eren," he began in warning, but his voice held a faint tremor that was telling.

When Eren's lips found the bare skin of his captain's neck between the top of his cravat and the underside of his jaw to press moist kisses there, Levi couldn't suppress the shiver that passed through his body, the words he was going to speak catching in his throat. His heart began to pound in his chest when one of Eren's arms pulled him gently against his body while the other hand drew circles on Levi's clothed skin. Two fingers then slid into the space between the buttons on Levi's shirt to ghost across the bare skin of his belly. Eren was behaving in such a way that it seemed to Levi as though Eren feared he might bolt from his advances.

"What am I to you right now that you're treating me this way," Levi asked in a low voice as he unconsciously began to relax against Eren's body, "the virgin bride you're trying to coax on our wedding night?"

"No," Eren murmured against the side of his neck. "But is it working?" His voice held a hopeful note as his stroking hand drifted down Levi's belly and over the front of his trousers in a lingering caress that had his captain barely suppressing a groan.

After a moment too long, Levi managed to pull himself away from the pleasing touches. He turned to face Eren, who gave him a look that was predatory and impossibly naïve at the same time. Levi closed the distance between them to use his free hand to pull the teen down for a kiss. He parted Eren's lips with his own before licking his way inside, and was treated to Eren's surprised moan at the action. Levi broke the kiss more reluctantly than he would have liked after a few moments.

"That's going to have to be enough for you for now, you greedy brat," Levi breathed against his lips. Eren gave a dazed nod.

It seemed to take all the self control that Levi possessed to pull himself from the room after bidding Eren goodnight. After making it back to his own quarters, Levi sought out a bath to calm himself.  Unfortunately, it didn't have the effect Levi desired. The warm, caressing water only served to remind him of the feel of Eren's body pressing against his. The persistent low burn in Levi's gut made him want to rise from the bath and hurriedly throw on clothing, head down to Eren's room with his hair still damp, and what, exactly? Slide into bed with the boy to straddle him? Or allow Eren to roll them over and pin him to the mattress with his arms as much as with those hungry green eyes of his? To let Eren feel for the first time what it's like to bury himself inside another human being's tight heat? Along with these thoughts came musings on whether Eren would use his name or call him by his title as he plowed his captain. Levi shivered, knowing he should be more upset with himself at his hand drifting under the water in the tub to surround his aching length.

This wasn't the perfunctory way Levi had taken himself in hand in the recent past, satisfying the intermittent bout of physical need that was usually a messy and irritating part of being human for him. This was a leisurely, pleasurable yet inadequate substitute for what Levi wanted to feel as his hips rolled forward languidly to thrust into his own hand. He wanted the sensation of Eren's body spooning behind him in the tub so that his head could rest in the crook of Eren's shoulder as he arched backward instead of resting on the rim of the tub. He wanted the feel of Eren's strong fingers roughened by the 3D maneuver gear to surround his cock instead of his own in sure, stroking movements. And Levi wanted the sound of Eren's voice murmuring filthy praise while Eren stroked him through his orgasm instead of his own ragged breaths echoing off of the tile as he spilled himself into warm water.

Sitting in the tub still waiting for his heart to cease racing, Levi gazed up at the ceiling, his eyes focused on nothing. He had thought at one time he had freed himself from this kind of lust. But if what he felt was only that, then he wouldn't have a lingering sense of dread. He wouldn't need to fear the attachment that the unnamed ache germinating in his chest threatened to bring with its arrival. Levi sank in the tub until the water barely cleared his lower lip, his eyes glittering in the ambient light. It was raining that day when what was left of his heart was cleaved in two. And Levi couldn't be sure if he wanted some green eyed boy to knit it back together again.


End file.
